Being Equally Yoked

I have a friend who is having some issues because his girlfriend is an unbeliever. He came to me for advice when he was looking toward a relationship, and the chief thing that I told him was that he should not have a mate who didn't have her spiritual life squared away. I'm not some sort of family counselor, and I don't have to be. The Bible is pretty clear on the matter, (2 Cor. 6:12-18) and I have been around a little while now and I have seen this same sort of thing happen to other believers.

There are tons of factors that one should take ample time to consider when thinking about getting married. I would seriously counsel anyone who asked me, to get premarital counseling, preferably from their pastor. I would tell them to do so even if they are not a couple who is formally engaged to be married. It might be an eye-opener for some who are in love with love, instead of seriously ready to commit to sharing their life with another person. They should think about what that means. Sharing of yourself should be a pleasure. Sacrificing of yourself for the benefit of the other person should be a normal outgrowth of one's love for that person.

Probably the most serious issue facing two people considering matrimony is whether or not each party trusts in the shed blood of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of their sins. You can have a marriage of two people who have differing views, but you cannot have a Christian marriage unless there are two Christians involved.

I am thinking that after that issue is considered, the next should probably be that of temperament, or character. My own wife can have a temper at times, but she is very forgiving if I get unreasonably grouchy. I, on the other hand am mostly easy-going, but I used to tend to hold a grudge. Over the years, we have both helped each other with these issues, but I believe nothing would have been improved had we not had the Lord. If one has any sense, one wouldn't want to go into a marriage proposal with someone who is a selfish person, or someone who has an obvious problem with telling the truth, or something like that, but the main thing is that regardless of character, Jesus has to come first. If He doesn't the relationship will unravel, or perhaps never make any positive progression in the first place.

Minor doctrinal differences aside, a couple should agree on the essentials of Christianity. The Deity of Christ, salvation by Grace alone through faith alone, Jesus' resurrection, the triune nature of God and the gospel. There are other doctrines in the Bible that are important enough, but these are the essential doctrines that two married Christians must agree on.

Married people can come from wildly different backgrounds and get along just fine, but spiritually, Christian couples must be of one mind. You see churches split all the time over doctrinal disagreements. The same thing can happen in a marriage. I have seen it happen multiple times. It is better to say no to spending time with a girlfriend or boyfriend who is not in agreement on the essentials. My friend's relationship is a good example. They agree on very little, and their relationship is no closer to marriage and is often torment for both parties.

It is just too easy to push aside the things one disagrees on in the early part of a relationship and tell one's self, "I will address that later." The issues will crop up again at some point. The same advice I gave my friend is what I would give to anyone else in his place. Find a mature Christian mate who believes the same things that you do about the Lord. If one doesn't do so, one is asking for heartache.