What Makes a Marriage

To say I think a lot about marriage may not be an accurate statement. To say I do marriage might be closer to the mark. Today as a matter of fact I have been married for twenty-six years. There are some very important and cherished things to me about marriage that I suppose one can really know about if one is married. So what makes marriage different than other states of being? Biblically speaking, what exactly makes a marriage?

The Bible doesn't just come right out and say, "To be married, one must..." or " Marriage means precisely...." When I think of marriage, I think about a covenant. If you want to nail that scripturally though, that might be hard to do to someone else's satisfaction. You can read a snippet about it in Malachi 2:14, which reads:

"Yet you say, "For what reason?"
Because the Lord has been witness
Between you and the wife of your youth,
With whom you have dealt treacherously;
Yet she is your companion
And your wife by covenant."

There might be some debate about what this passage means, but there is no doubt that with marriage, a covenant is involved, and it is between a man and his wife. It is also certain that they are to be companions in what is most certainly expected to be a life-long relationship. There are tons of verses in the Bible that when coupled with this passage and viewed through the lens of Biblical history, present a clear picture of what marriage is supposed to be.

Jesus used matrimonial language that any Jewish person would have understood in His day to illustrate a great many things, even those of a prophetic nature. The bride was presented to the groom, and only after that, was the marriage physically consummated. These are two steps that were of real import in the culture of the Old and New Testament Jew, and they were considered to be what constituted matrimony, but there were actually stages of matrimony.

First, the two pledged their "troth," promising to marry one another. This is what we call a betrothal, or in today's vernacular, the "engagement." Next, the bride is presented to the groom. Today, that amounts today to "the wedding ceremony." The bride and groom would bid their guests farewell and go to be by themselves and to do what brides and grooms do. In Jesus' day, this would usually begin a very festive time of celebration among the guests at the wedding that might last for a week or even longer.

These stages are kind of like wonderful cake, but most everybody expects "frosting." The frosting comes in what comes after all of these things. The things that I have mentioned are wonderful to be sure, but look at what Ephesians 5 has to say, starting in verse 22:

"22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. 24 Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, 26 that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, 27 that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. 28 So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. 30 For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. 31 "For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh." 32 This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. 33 Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband."

If you take the time to read this from the perspective that I and other married men or women have, marriage to another person can obviously be a challenge, in light of our own self-centeredness in varying degrees, and due to inexperience. As we begin to learn to put the principles that Paul mentions here into practice with loving, submissive, self-sacrificing hearts we begin to see things change into something that we had not really imagined. The relationship becomes something heartfelt that embodies not only something between a man and wife, but a couple, and their God. It's a glorious example of what is to come.