Who are the real men out there? Who decides what a real man is? Since I got married 25 years ago I've noticed that the media seems to take a real interest in how trends in the "popular culture" have swayed back and forth regarding manhood and how it's defined, especially in America. More than that, I think movie makers contribute to "popular" opinion through imagery and that the "news" media feeds off of that and vice versa in a sort of cyclical fashion, causing the pendulum to continue to swing back and forth with these generalised views of men.

In the early 1980s it seemed like the "real man" was getting more sensitive and in touch with his "feminine side," and then in the mid 1980s, "Miami Vice" rolled around and things started to morph again into something more stylishly macho. Seems like the popular images of what a real man (or the most desirable type of man is) goes from John Wayne to Richard Gere to "the Rock" and back again.

I think the idea of letting a cover story on Time Magazine influence our thinking on anything like this is a bit ridiculous. Wiping away all of the media hype would leave some men without any archetype to model themselves and their behavior after. I had a father, and he was a good role model for me and a very good picture of what a real man should be. He had his flaws as we all do, but he was an honest, loving husband and father who worked hard, showed kindness to others and tried never to let anybody down.

Somebody might say, "That's great for you, but lots of men have delinquent or abusive fathers, or have never had the benefit of a father." That's true, in an earthly sense, but everybody has a Father. He is the Almighty God, the Maker of Heaven and earth. I think that's where the problem lies. Today, too many men are diligently seeking for their manhood rather than seeking for God. The only way to become a "real man" is to seek the real God.

If you're asking what I mean by that, let me try to explain. I think real men are "godly" men. Men become godly by becoming a reflection of the image of God. "How can we do that?" you might be asking. Well, we can't unless we become familiar with what He is like. We have to study Him to do that. If we don't study Him, how can we know about His character?

As a man if you don't know God you won't find happiness in sex and your spouse will never live up to your expectations in that regard. You won't find strength and happiness in possessions and the largest home will never be large enough. They'll leave you feeling empty. The flashiest car will never provide any long term satisfaction. If power and money are where you're trying to establish your manhood, you'll never be able to have enough of them. These things won't last and will ultimately be taken away.

While God may want us to enjoy the benefits of some of these things, it's important to remember that it's okay to have these things as long as these things don't have us. God didn't put us here to be taken in by our lust for the things of this world. He created us with an entirely different purpose. We're to love God with everything we've got, and love our neighbors as we love ourselves. We're to work on building relational bridges between ourselves and others and cross those bridges bearing the Cross of Christ into other people's lives to help them to know God as we do.

We are relational beings. If we aren't relating to God then we're relating to something we probably shouldn't be. He is the good direction, the Way, and if we're not moving towards Him we're moving towards or relating to something we shouldn't be.

A "real man" is not a guy who dwells on himself. He's willing to sacrifice his own pleasure to help other people. He doesn't try to make decisions for other people. He has experienced struggles and wants to help others through theirs. He's hurt when relationships go wrong, but he learns from that hurt instead of withdrawing from it. He encourages others to deal with their loneliness and move through their pain, as he has, to a relationship with God. A "real man" trusts God and works diligently for God. God works. Godly men must therefore work too.

42 And they continued steadfastly in the apostles' doctrine and fellowship, in the breaking of bread, and in prayers. Acts 2:42

We all need to do this. We need to steadfastly study the Scriptures, meet together, share in the remembrance and honoring of what our Lord did for us and in prayer, both corporate and private. It's how we grow in knowledge of God and our relationship with and in love for Him. This is especially important to the man who wants to share his life with a spouse and has hopes of finding a godly woman, because a godly woman will be looking for a man, not just who does these things, but one whose character is shaped by doing them.

Ladies, the godly man will be strong but giving. He won't treat you like a doormat and he'll value your opinion. He will ask you to pray with him and he'll trust you with his joy and his pain. He will likely not be as ready to talk about such things as you are though, so some patience is valuable. He will not be perfect, because only God is perfect, but he will be your best friend and want you to feel that you are special. He will rely on your trust and upon your confidence in him and he will need you to respect him.

Would it surprise women to know that God has given them a special role to play in this life as "real women"? It might, but that does not lessen the role or make it less than equal in importance. It only makes the role of the woman in marriage properly fulfilled, even more significant. Men and women are both to study the God Who made them and fulfill the roles He created for them in His masterful plan. It is only then that we become "real men and women."

Eph 5:21-3321 submitting to one another in the fear of God. 22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. 24 Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, 26 that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, 27 that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. 28 So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. 30 For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. 31 "For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh." 32 This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. 33 Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

As people of God we all need to be working, and working in the way that He wants us to, not just the way that we feel is best. As godly men and women, whether we're single or married, our Father is the example to follow.

1 Peter 1:13-1813 Therefore gird up the loins of your mind, be sober, and rest your hope fully upon the grace that is to be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ; 14 as obedient children, not conforming yourselves to the former lusts, as in your ignorance; 15 but as He who called you is holy, you also be holy in all your conduct,

16 because it is written, "Be holy, for I am holy." 17 And if you call on the Father, who without partiality judges according to each one's work, conduct yourselves throughout the time of your stay here in fear;