My wife and I shared a pretty nice day together for our 25th wedding anniversary yesterday. A couple of family members even remembered it and sent cards. One loved one sent us a card and a beautiful picture frame to commemorate the day. I had a friend in highschool whose father told him we would only be married for a year. I guess he thought he knew something about us that we must not have known. I can only say that I'm glad he was so wrong.

As I look back, I'm mindful that I've made many mistakes. So has my wife. With mistakes come consequences and hopefully we have learned from these experiences and can avoid making the same mistakes again.

I'm not the perfect husband and my wife isn't perfect either, so we can't have the perfect marriage. I did manage to find a couple of cards to accompany the gifts I gave her which accurately expressed my sentiments about our relationship. One card was humorous and was really very funny as it related to some of the things we've been through together. The serious card was the one that surprised me.

Although the card was a wee bit soupy, it managed to say some things well. There are many ways I believe men and women can tank their marriages. Some are obvious "don'ts", like unfaithfulness and things like that. A more subtle way of damaging your marriage is to allow the process of, or opportunities for communication to degrade or slip by.

Being able and ready to communicate with each other is so important to a successful marriage. If you can't communicate honestly with one another, then one or both partners are acting on an informational deficit that will only lead to mistaken notions and hurt feelings which can breed bitterness, marked by serious resentment.

There is a way to avoid these things. It begins with selfless love. Loving your spouse the way Jesus does is as important as anything gets in a marriage. If you live your marriage in a way that shows your spouse how you love and respect them, it speaks volumes, especially if you aren't waiting for every opportunity to point out the shortcomings of what they are supposed to be bringing to the marriage.

Something else that fosters good communication is to always be willing to listen, and make apparent to your partner that you have in fact, heard what they have said to you. If you don't understand what you've heard, tell them so and talk about it until you do.

If you aren't willing to invest at least this much effort into a marriage, I suggest you rethink the idea of getting married. Trust me, if you truly love the person you're considering, it isn't a tremendous effort. I won't say it will never be frustrating, but it will always be worth the end result.

If you're already married, and showing respect for and listening to your partner is just too much to ask, I suggest you spend some serious time in prayer with the Lord and listen to Him and ask Him to change your heart. After all, selfless love and respect for your partner were designed in God's mind, not my little pea-brain.

22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. 24 Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, 26 that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, 27 that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. 28 So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. 30 For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. 31 "For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh." 32 This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. 33 Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. Ephesians 5: 22-33