The Price of Silence

Where was Adam when Eve was being tempted by the serpent? I guess I'm thinking about this because I was reading about what it means for a man to be in married submission to his wife. Yes, that is supposed to happen, just as a wife is supposed to be in submission to her husband, all in the Lord. On some level, I thought for many years that because of things like Paul saying that after all, it was Eve (the woman) that was deceived in the garden, not the man (Adam), that I felt like somehow it was Eve that was the real cause of all of our problems. I realize that in my younger days that I took all of that out of context, and it makes me look closer at what my relationship with my own wife ought to be like.

I have heard my pastor speak about this and even visually illustrated the picture saying that Adam hadn't needed to be such a "fish" on a hook. He said this most likely because the Bible says that Eve took of the fruit and ate of it, and "gave also unto her husband with her; and he did eat." (Genesis 3:6) He wasn't off someplace else. He was "with her" there, and it seems to me that his responsibility for what happened is magnified by that.

We can't really tell what happened between verses 5 and 6 in Genesis Chapter 3. Did Satan hang around and watch as she took the fruit? Did Eve think about what he had said to her for a time? I believe that she probably did think about it. I doubt that she sprang from her feet and leapt to the tree right after he lied to her, Adam was with her when she did decide to eat the fruit, and he ate too. His willingness to stand by and watch and then participate in that says a lot to me about what a husband's role has to be for his wife in the area of sin.

I have wondered what Adam was doing at the time. I have been present at times when someone has been trying to deceive someone else and I have reacted in different ways. Sometimes I have confronted the "deceiver", and sometimes I have waited for a more opportune time to chat with the person they were talking with and to help them to reason things out, helping them to see where their error might be. People have done that for me, and I have appreciated it. I think that there, under the forbidden fruit tree, that it would have been a good time for Adam to have said something.

Husbands were given a set of lungs to do more than just breathe with. The Bible is full of examples of even godly men who messed up because they acquiesced to compromise in silence. "Then to Adam He said,

"Because you have heeded the voice of your wife, and have eaten from the tree of which I commanded you, saying, 'You shall not eat of it': "Cursed is the ground for your sake; In toil you shall eat of it All the days of your life." Genesis 3:17

What would Eve have done had Adam stepped in and told the serpent to take a hike? What would have happened if Adam had told Eve to get away from the tree and stay away from it."? What would have happened it Adam had said, "We're going to obey God, and do just as He said."? Instead, Adam shucked his role as the leader in the relationship and Eve just sort of moved ahead. I have seen this in relationships time and time again. The woman is in error, the guy says nothing and the woman just marches right on ahead, sets an agenda and the guy just seems to follow along without a word, most of the time, just to get along. That is so lame, and I believe that so many marriages break up because the roles of the man and the woman get more and more confused. I'm not saying that all women are in error all the time, but women are human, and they often act like it.

Sarah approached Abraham about Hagar and he was a fish about it. I have no doubt that having a child was something that Sarah thought about constantly. I also have do doubt that Abraham didn't say, "I'm not going to sleep with your maid servant. I'm going to wait on God and His promise, so don't suggest anything like this again." What would have happened if he had said that?

God is a God of order though, and the chaos that results from the poor choices people make are nothing that is pleasing to Him. A man will often say nothing, rather than speak, when speaking will bring controversy. It's a man's job to stand up, and follow hard after Jesus. It's also his job to speak up when something threatens to get in the way of that, even if that something is a someone, and most especially if it is his wife. After all she is his first ministry.

Adam and his situation in the garden makes me think about how I want to react when some sort of chaotic trial comes about, also. I have noticed that how people tend to deal with things when they are young, tends to be how they deal with them when they are older too. Some people over-react in an overbearing way to try and control the situation. Some people just leave to avoid a situation, and some people, like Adam did, just say nothing.

We can either be weak, and in silence run from the confrontation with sin and compromise that way, or we can be godly about it. Being godly doesn't mean that we're built of stone, and that such situations bounce off of us, but it does mean that we take a solid stance for what is righteous and of God. Feeling pain doesn't make us weak, and neither does admitting to it. Seeing painful experiences for what they have been may enable us to help others to grow through their own trials, by speaking up when we should.

Speaking up isn't just a lot of talk though. It has to be backed up with a steadfastness of trust and conviction to do what is right in the Holy Spirit, and there is a level of involvement that demands action. This can be painful, and that has to be expected and accepted when we open out mouths. Speaking up isn't about being insensitive either. We have to realize that when we determine that something needs to be said that we may be causing someone else pain too, and perhaps embarrassment. That should thoughtfully be kept to as minimal a level as the situation permits.

When the situation involves our wives, we should never intervene vocally in a way that over-powers them emotionally. Shaming a wife into behavior will only build resentment and bitterness. It will probably force her to an inwardly emotional position, and likely make her move away from a dependence on God. When we speak up in a situation where compromise and chaos are looming in the background, as godly men, we should be saying and committing to whatever needs to be done to move ourselves and our wives, or our family or friends toward a position of trust and reliance on God to get us through.