All Among Friends

There is a human behavioral tendency that is the subject of much study. Wikipedia describes it this way: "Cognitive dissonance is a psychological term describing the uncomfortable tension that may result from having two conflicting thoughts at the same time, or from engaging in behavior that conflicts with one's beliefs, or from experiencing apparently conflicting phenomena."

As human beings, we seem to have an amazing capacity to rationalize what we feel, what we say and what we do. We suppress things. We take things we know to be true and we minimize them in order to get around them. The prophet Jeremiah wrote, "The heart is deceitful above all things, And desperately wicked; Who can know it?" Jeremiah 17:9

The Bible is full of men who encased themselves in the armor of rationalization, projecting their views and their denials of God and their own sin to the point of death. I think that is part of the reason that fellowship with other believers is emphasized in God's word. We all need people in our lives who will help us to steel ourselves, to protect us, from the very things we often desire.

The trouble is, we generally deal with things later on in the process, instead of speaking up earlier, when saying something might have avoided a bigger problem. I'm not sure if that is more clearly illustrated anywhere in the Bible than in the life of King David. Our pastor mentioned him this evening, and it made me think about this a little bit. If David had had some friends, not military advisors, political advisors or counselors around him, but spiritual friends close about him, would the kind of tragedies that took place in his life have occurred?

What happened to David, it seems to me, is what happens when a leader (or any of us) fails to build a spiritual construct around ourselves, in which we are answerable for what we do. In the end, it is God who keeps us accountable, just as he did King David, but wouldn't it be better to just be accountable, and to avoid the loving rebukes of the Lord? Living our lives without this type of accountability, isn't just something that generates discomfort. It is spiritually very dangerous.

David was probably around fifty years old when he stayed behind in Jerusalem, sending his armies of to destroy the Ammonites. He had held his kingship for about twenty years. He was a mighty man of valor who had never lost a battle, (that I can think of) and a very strong leader. He was gifted by God with good health, a family and was even an accomplished musician. He had everything that many men dream of having. But he still wanted more. He wanted Bathsheba, another man's wife, and he was willing to murder to have her.

The steps toward David's failure were one after another, and they didn't happen in a day, or in a week. They took some time. He compromised again and again, and there is always a price to pay for that. I don't want to sound like I am bashing David. I like David. He had some amazing qualities that I greatly admire, but this tragedy is painful, and couldn't it have been avoided?

What happened? Uriah wasn't just a guy. In 2nd Samuel 23:39, Uriah bats cleanup on the list of thirty-seven who were David's "mighty men." David and Uriah the Hittite had a special relationship, but the little compromises that David made just built up into something bigger and bigger, and there was no construct among those around him for accountability. Nobody told him to stop what he was doing. Things got out of control.

David didn't just wake up the morning and say, I think I will look out from my rooftop and see if I can see a beautiful woman bathing and become obsessed with her. It was the small compromises along the way. David took a wife, and then another and another. He had seven wives. But seven wives was apparently not enough. He kept a harem. David lacked self-control, and there were no believers around him to say, "What you are doing is wrong. If you want to please Him, you won't do this." Nobody questioned him.

Nobody asked, "Do you think it is wise to stay home, when your troops head to battle? After all, God appointed you to be their leader." And while they were gone, David wanted something to do. He gazed around, he wanted what he gazed at, and he took what he wanted. But there were those awful consequences. He tried to cover those up, and in his arrogance, he briefly thought that he had dodged a bullet. But in Chapter 11, Samuel tells us, "But the thing that David had done displeased the LORD." This is the most important verse in the chapter.

We can hide our sins from other people for a time. We can't hide them from God. Nothing is hidden from Him. It is always best to remember that. David held the highest position in the land, and even he was accountable. Nathan confronted the king, and showed him his sin in a very painful way. The pain was righteous and deserved, and what David felt about Nathan and being so rebuked by righteous God is evidenced by the fact that he later named a son after the prophet of God.

This is where we get to one of those things I find so admirable about David. He could have dealt with this in one of two ways. He could have admitted to it and confessed it before God, or he could have denied what he did. But David had enjoyed a very intimate walk with God from his youth. He full well knew in his heart that he had to choose: either be the kind of man who is after God's own heart, or he could move further away from God.

David and his life are written down in the pages of the Bible, warts and all, for anyone to read about. We can see that being a man after God's heart doesn't mean that we live our lives perfectly. That isn't possible, but it does mean that we are to be honest about those areas where we have failed. Under the weight of Nathan's words, David responded, "I have sinned against the Lord." (2nd Samuel 12:13) He wrote a beautiful song of confession in Psalm 51, which shows his heart, his attitude toward the Lord's correction.

"The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit,
A broken and a contrite heart--
These, O God, You will not despise." Verse 17

David knew when he was confronted with his sin that there was no sacrifice, no work of his own, that could cover his sins of covetousness, adultery and murder. He knew that the only thing he could do fall upon the mercy of the God he loved. It was a confrontation with another man of God that led him back into the arms of God.

It would have been better for David, for his family, for all concerned, if David had surrounded himself with spiritual friends who could have told him simply, "I think this is unwise," or "I think this is wrong," or even, "You know, this does not line up with the holy Scriptures. I think you should think about this and pray." We all need accountability. How good a friend are we to those we love in the Lord? When we see another Christian fall into sin, we should admonish them, lovingly, knowing that if we don't, things will get worse.

I have a friend who asked me to be his accountability partner. I said yes. He said that he asked me because he trusted me. I trust him, and his presence in my life serves to keep me accountable too. Discipline begins that way in the community of Christ. It begins when friends, close enough not to be too embarrassed to do anything, will risk admonition and reproach. If we don't ask a "Nathan" into our lives, God will probably put a "Nathan" into our lives for us. We should hope that by then, it won't be too late to avoid the consequences of our possible actions. Why wait for a crisis to develop? We can't impose the job of accountability on our relationships. Accountability must be invited, and both parties must have willing hearts.