Christian Dating

Why people approach me for advice on who or when they should date, I don't know. I guess it might have something to do with the knowledge that I've been married for more than 25 years. That certainly doesn't make me an expert on Christian dating. Still, they ask. (laughing here)

I've met young Christians who think that any dating before marriage is totally inappropriate. I think you would have trouble defending that view using Scripture. I do think that young Christians and non-Christians are dating way too young these days. Sheesh. I sound like a total geez. But I do think that they're dating too young. I think that dating at a young age when one's judgmental abilities have not been matured creates temptations that could be avoidable at a later age, when one would hopefully have more spiritual discernment about sin and consequences. It's often the case too, that an appearance of wrongdoing is given, even when nothing wrong has been done. At the risk of sounding like a geez again, many of the simple safeguards for dating that parents used to set in place have been tossed out by a lot of society.

And within the context of Christianity, what about dating an unbeliever? The Bible in my mind clearly forbids that. It's abundantly clear from 1st Corinthians 7:39, yet believers still invite the pain it can bring into their lives. The phrase, "only in the Lord" at the end of verse cements the case for me. The way the principle is laid out in 2nd Corinthians 6:14-18 would seem to make it apply to the wonderful finality that was intended for marriages. Of course, this is a conclusion that I have drawn out of the verse on my own. I don't know that I could make the case for it being clearly prohibited by Scripture as in the case of say, "Thou shalt not steal."

But if, in my opinion we shouldn't hang with unbelievers to fellowship, why would a believer want to date one? Likewise, if marriage to an unbeliever is not a good idea, again, why would one want to date one? It's just asking, begging for heartache. On the other hand, one can certainly have a friendship with an unbelieving member of the opposite sex and avoid dating. That's just another opportunity to share the Gospel.

The Book of Proverbs has such great wisdom contained in it. It's filled with guidance about the kind of folks we should spend time with, meaning, wise people. It also has a great deal to say about those folks with whom we should not associate with. He doesn't want us hanging around with gossips or flatterers (Proverbs 20:19), or bad-tempered men (22:24), for example. There are a fair amount of verses like that.

It seems like a no-brainer to me that believers shouldn't date anybody that the Bible is telling us not to hang around with. It seems like believers would only seriously consider dating a person who has godly qualities, the qualities of a really good friend. That is what might put one on the path to finding a possible mate for life---might. That sort of guideline would get rid of unbelievers, and maybe exclude suitors who are religious phonies. There needs to be a lot of prayer, and an appropriate time of waiting on the Lord. My wife and I had a five-year courtship. I don't regret that.

If God placed passages in the Bible to tell one who to avoid in one's everyday life, why would one pay any less attention to those passages when applying them to whom one dates or marries?